tired. alone. hopeless.
zachattackrides

yeah, waking up is a reminder I'm still alive, and in love, and don't have you by my side. I think I was just broken up with over a lj entry. I don't even know. I don't know where my life is going, or where ill end up. I don't care. the only love ill ever have or want is gone. I hope I'm a lone forever. I never cheated, I never talked to any other girls. despite what you may think. I would never in a million years even think about that. I would die before that happened. You mean the world to. and to even think about doing that to someone I love makes me sick. I know what it feels like to be crushed. I don't even know what I'm saying. I hate my life. maybe one day I won't wake up. we could only hope.

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4
zachattackrides

waking up is just a reminder I'm still alive.


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If there's one thing I can say.
zachattackrides





You are beautiful. you are beautiful in every single way. I'm glad I read that lj you wrote. I like when you say house beautiful. because its the gods honest truth. inside and out. perfect. I fell in love with the most wonderful girl in the world. and watched her walk away. ain't love grand? no. because someone always gets hurt. 'if you love something let it go' right? no. you fight until it is yours again.  I never wanna let this go. I'm going to try everything I can do to make you mine again. I don't even know if you've been reading these. But what I do know is you'll make it. if there's no chance of me being able to be with you again, you're gonna do amazing things with your life. You truly are the most wonderful girl in the world. loneliness, again, that's all I feel right now. just knowing that I'm gonna have to go home, take care of my sick mom, and not do anything. I have nothing to look forward. just the same shit different day attitude. what are you gonna do. alone. that's it. I'm such a slave to the crying game. its sad when you have to run off to the bathroom to cry. but sometimes you just gotta let it all out. 'if flaws are illegal, then you should call the cops' I love that band. there are so many things I wish were different. well. going back to work again. see ya wrote that at about 245. Damn phone wouldn't upload it. I need a comp again. 

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Day 3
zachattackrides


Everyday is just getting longer and longer. I have no will to fight, I have no energy to push. I've never felt so a lone. I'm getting real tired of work. I need a new job ASAP. fuck this bullshit. I remember when I looked forward to the next day. now, I just wish I could stay home all day everyday and not do anything. I wanna curl up in a ball. I've never been good a relaying my thoughts. I probably never will. I guess that's just another thing I gotta work on. there's a lot I gotta work on, but flaws make people, well, people right? this whole work, puffing cars all day is getting old, to think, I like 50 more years of this. and who knows what kinda social securities benefits ill be eligible for. I gotta rethink my life choices. I'll probably write another one today at some point. or maybe I won't. who knows. gotta get my was back to work now.

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Day 2
zachattackrides



sometimes I guess life isn't fair, but then again, sometimes it can be. All I know is that I have never felt more a lone. I'm dead fired right now, and I could fall asleep at any second. and the one thing keeping me up is hoping I will be getting a phone call back. see this girl up above? well, she means everything to me. She is my pride and joy, she is my sunshine, she is mg everything. I wouldn't change a thing about her. I would give anything to have her back. I don't really know why I write in this thing. its not like anyone reads it. I guess I could just use somewhere to write what's on my mind. I was going to post this last night but fell asleep. wow, what a bum. Yesterday sucked, today gonna suck, tomorrow is probably gonna suck. I see a trend here. oh well I guess. saosin and American Nightmare on replay. not looking forward to anything.

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zachattackrides


well I honestly don't even know where to begin. I have fucked things up yet again. but this time its for something I didn't even do. And the worst part is I can't even explain it. I know I have fucked up in the past. I have. real bad. But there's something different about this time. I have literally changed, and I have done everything to show her that. I don't even know what else to do. all I know, is that picture up above, I want that forever. and I could have had it. I'm pretty sure there's no hope for this relationship. I wish there was. I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm just balling my eyes out. I would give anything to be with her. I guess the truth is, she'll probably be better off without me. she's going to college next year, and she's gonna do great. as for me. I, through some twist of fate, will never fall in love again. ill never find anyone as good as her. ill never go anywhere. ill never be happy. but that's fine. I don't deserve anything more. I lost the only thing that ever mattered to me. and I can't stand it. I wish I could explain all this. but truth is. I don't even know what the fuck is going on. I'm not gonna last a week like this.

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(no subject)
zachattackrides
I've fucked up a lot of things in the past. I've fucked up bands, I've fucked up friendships, and now I'm fucking up my relationship.
I wish I could go back and change the way things went, I wish I could go back and take back the words I've said. I shouldnt be allowed out of my room because truth is, I'm fucked up. and I'll always fuck shit up. No matter what happens, I always fuck up some of the best things to happen to me, whether it be friends, bands, or even now, my girlfriend, I would give it all away for one last chance. I literally just got back from driving to the cape, I don't really know why, but I guess love does strange things to you. I drove and drove, and then I saw the ocean. And in that moment, I realized how much I wish that she could have been there with me. and how much I miss my friends, and how much I miss making music, and how now it seems like my world is falling apart. Maybe this is a wake up call, a real huge wake up call that I really didn't need today considering I forgot to take my meds last night, just making me a hugeee dapressio douche bag. you truly don't realize what you have until its gone. I realized that I had the most amazing person ever in my life. The kinda girl that loved me as much as I loved her. It was everything I always wanted and so much more. I guess I really dont even know what top say anymore. I'm at a complete loss for words. The only thing I'm sure about, is that I want her back, no matter what it takes. And I will do anything for her. Because I have the best thing thats ever happened to me. And I let her slip away.

2
zachattackrides
Seriously? That didn't just happen. Just finished writing in this stupid thing and I pressed the back button, don't ask me why, because I don't even know. Just one of my misfortunes that has happened today. Had this shelf above my bed ya know, with my fish on it, my xbox controller, my alarm clock, my books and I was sitting under it with my phone on my bed next to me. Well at this time my shelf decides it's a good time to come falling down, on my head. So water spills everywhere, ruins my phone, my xbox controller, my psp, my books, my bed, my pillows. Anyways Long story short it really sucked And I save my fish because I'm the man. What can I say? Good ole Miller is a champ, and will probably survive anything after that.


Anyways, The only thing I can say I'm looking forward to is seeing my girlfriend a whole lot and summer. I really can't wait to spend as much time as I can with her. She such an amazing girl and I'm so lucky to call her mine. She has it all, looks, brains, and personality. I'm still waiting to wake up because this is a dream. She is my dream girl. I love her so much and we have a relationship that's so strong and so healthy that nothing is going to break us apart. Allison Marie Gough, I love you with All my heart and I always will. That's a promise. I will always be here for you no matter what. I love you, you are my one and only, my sunshine, my best friend, and my world. I love when you rap to me in the car, I love when you laugh, I love when you smile, I love the way you smell, I the look in your eye before you kiss me, I love when you call me baby, I love talking to you, I loved hanging out with you, to put it simply, I love everything about you.

Alliebaby, you are my world, and I am so lucky to call you all mine. <3333

1
zachattackrides
So, My amazing girlfriend says I should make one of these so here goes nothin I guess. I never really have anything to talk about but I guess this could be a good way of venting. Recent updates in my life. I am so in Love with Allison Marie Gough. She is one of the greatest people I have ever met. She is adorable, sexy, beautiful, smart, fun to be around, everything I have ever wanted in a girl and so much more. She is absolutely perfect in every single way shape and form. I didnt even know girls like her existed. She is the girl of my dreams, hands down. I dont want anyone else but her.

Update 2
What the hell happened to my band? I need to be in a band. Not sure how we just kinda disappeared off the map but I'm bummed. Just bought $500 worth of bass gear and used it for one show, and it wasn't even for a thin ice show! Last I heard we were supposed to be signed with this band from the UK. And thennnnn we just kinda vanished, lost our drummer, lost motivation I guess. What can ya do? I need to start another band.

Update 3
New job, kinda. Not doing mechanics anymore which I'm kinda bummed about but whatever. I make easy money sitting on my ass except my social life has shit the bed, but I'm ok with it. as long as I get to see the love of my life, I'm stoked. She is my world, my sunshine, and my missin' peice forever and always. She is my best friend and she is my everything. For now I guess I'm just headin to bed, even though it just doesn't feel the same without my baby in my arms. Allison Marie Gough, I love you with all my heart and so much more.

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