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I've fucked up a lot of things in the past. I've fucked up bands, I've fucked up friendships, and now I'm fucking up my relationship.
I wish I could go back and change the way things went, I wish I could go back and take back the words I've said. I shouldnt be allowed out of my room because truth is, I'm fucked up. and I'll always fuck shit up. No matter what happens, I always fuck up some of the best things to happen to me, whether it be friends, bands, or even now, my girlfriend, I would give it all away for one last chance. I literally just got back from driving to the cape, I don't really know why, but I guess love does strange things to you. I drove and drove, and then I saw the ocean. And in that moment, I realized how much I wish that she could have been there with me. and how much I miss my friends, and how much I miss making music, and how now it seems like my world is falling apart. Maybe this is a wake up call, a real huge wake up call that I really didn't need today considering I forgot to take my meds last night, just making me a hugeee dapressio douche bag. you truly don't realize what you have until its gone. I realized that I had the most amazing person ever in my life. The kinda girl that loved me as much as I loved her. It was everything I always wanted and so much more. I guess I really dont even know what top say anymore. I'm at a complete loss for words. The only thing I'm sure about, is that I want her back, no matter what it takes. And I will do anything for her. Because I have the best thing thats ever happened to me. And I let her slip away.


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